My time

I went on about my life as much as I could, ignoring the trial and what my future was going to be. I just went through it numb, like it would be ok eventually. It did turn out the best for me, but even today it makes me ask why. I‘m not going to name all the “why’s” and it won’t matter, I will never know why that situation became such a disaster in a short amount of time. A lesson learned and still to this day don’t understand the “why” behind it. 

I would consider myself a decent human being and thought that experience was done and to never think about it again. That’s not realistic though, triggers are real and can come out of nowhere and smack you into next week. I got pulled over by my small town police officer when I was 16 driving the family car, for expired plates. As soon as I saw the lights on come everything in my body wanted to haul ass to get the hell away from them. I couldn’t control my emotions and was hysterically crying and shacking trying to pull over. The poor officer came to my window and was immediately asked if I was ok and I needed EMT assistance. I could barely breathe, I could only say, “my dad is Jospeh Remington”, on repeat. The officer called his partner and had him go get my dad. 

Once my dad was there, I started to calm down and breathe somewhat normal. The officer explained to my dad that he pulled me over for expired plates. My dad had told my brother to put the new tag on, but he left it in the glove box. So, all this could have been avoided, but it also showed me that the “triggers” my therapist tried to warn me about, are very much real.

Triggers can come in many ways, mine became anxiety about police officers. I wasn’t proud of it but I was not ashamed of it either. I was not against the police, but I was not wanting their help either. That was until I met Officer Amanda, the only female police officer we ever had in our small town, don’t believe me, look it up, LeRoy, Illinois.