My time

OfficerAmanda seemed to have a good relationship with everyone, she was always talking to people. She really did fit in with our small-town folks. 

Officer Amanda and I had a mutual friend, but I stayed cleared when she came around. It had nothing to do with her, and everything to do with her uniform. She tried talking to me a few times, I was quiet and off putting, but she never pushed me. 

We did end up becoming great friends once I got to know her and explained my “triggers”, she is the reason I got past those triggers with police and I thank her for that! Just because you found two rotten apples, doesn’t mean the whole bag of apples if rotten! That’s how Officer Amanda described it and she’s right. There’s always a potential of all the apples being rotten because mold spreads, BUT you must look at each apple individually to confirm. 

Ever heard the expression “Expectations brings disappointment“, me either but I believe it whole heartedly. You can have expectations for yourself, but if you have them for anyone else, you will be disappointed. I’m sure you are questioning this asking when, why, how and I will be glad to explain. First, answer a question before we get into it, “Who can you control?”

Be brutally honest with yourself, if you are, the answer is “I can only control myself”. Years of trauma, triggers, depression, anxiety, and therapy all happened to me but I was still in control of myself in the end. Things could have gone differently so many times, but they didn’t. They happened to me and made me who I am today. Most people thank their families, parents, and I’m over here selfish as hell telling myself, “YOU GOT YOU HERE!”. 

Yes, I can thank many people for being there when I needed them, but ultimately my choices, decisions, actions, etc. were in my control. I couldn’t control my mother to not cheat, couldn’t control Tyler be a decent father, and I can’t control my sons future. This is called acceptance and it was a rough road to get to, some days I take steps back. As long as I keeping trying, keep pushing forward, I will become an even better person.