My time

Right then my relationship with my mother became a reality check. I guess this could be considered my “Trauma Response”. From that moment forward I saw my mother in her true colors. I no longer had respect for her; it’s like I didn’t even know her at all. As our relationship grew further apart, I got pregnant with my son Treyson and at the age of 22. At that time, I was living with Tyler, Treyson’s father (yes, biological father, I‘m not my mother). Tyler and I had a toxic relationship as he was a drug addict, and I believed I could help him. I stuck it out as long as I could with Tyler and his drug habits. Once Treyson came into this world, no one mattered but him. No one was gong to keep me away from my son. 

Treyson was about 7 weeks old when I caught his dad smoking crack in our living room. I woke up to feed Trey, instead I found Tyler. At this time I actually had an outer body experience. It’s like I was seeing it from a camera view, I know weird but that’s what trauma can do. Any ways, I watch myself not saying anything to Tyler, just walked up to him and as he stood trying to say something I hit him as hard as I could. Then proceeded to fix a bottle and go back to the bedroom. I moved the dresser over the door so Tyler couldn’t come in and fed Treyson his bottle. Once he was back to sleep, I also went back to sleep. I woke up around 5am and called my dad. 

My dad always woke early getting coffee at Casey General Store. Him and his buddies meet up for coffee, cigarettes, and gossip in our small town. I knew I could always count on my dad and he could always make me feel better. Even though he liked Tyler, I was his little girl (no matter what). He answered the first ring saying, “Ash, what’s wrong”. I told him I need him to bring his trucks and trailers, that I was moving out of the apartment and back home if he will have me. There was no question about it, he said “I’m on my way”. 

I take a deep breath, walk out into the living room, hoping not to find Tyler overdosed on the floor or something, but he was gone. Tyler had left with my car and my debit card. I guess hitting him and locking him out of the bedroom gave him the green light to go get more fucked up.