My time

My mother must be the subject of everything; she must have the spotlight on her no matter what. I came to realize that my mother was jealous of me, had always been jealous of me. Jealousy can be nasty emotion and will turn people into a something completely different. Did you know this is actually common for narcissist mothers? Look it up, there are tons of research on it! 

My mother was not just jealous of me; she was jealous of anyone getting attention other than her. This was true at Nick and Ambers wedding and wasn’t going to be any different at Amber’s funeral. My mother made some kind of speech at Nicks wedding; I didn’t hear it since I left as soon as I heard her voice off the speakers. 

Amber’s funeral wasn’t different, but I was going to do my best to control her impulsive drama. Oh, she started right off the bat, walked in and sat behind my dad. It wasn’t an issue until she tried talking to him and he walked away, which gave her a reason to make a scene. I heard my mother say “why can’t you talk to me?,” to my dad as he walked away. I immediately grab her and pulled her into a back room, telling her this wasn’t about her, it was about Amber and Nick and not to make another scene or I would make her leave. She stayed in there a while to calm down and finally came out and sat back down. I was hoping she learned and would stay quiet, I should have known better. As the minister said “would anyone like to say anything” my mother grabbed her opportunity in front of everyone. She walked up, grabbed the mic, and said a prayer. My brother and I had to sit there and let it go to not make more of a scene. I knew he was pissed; he was at the wedding too. I didn’t bring it up, no one did, it’s like we all wanted to act like it didn’t happen. 

These things happened all the time with my mother. It always has to be about her, negative or positive, didn’t matter. You are probably wondering why does all this matter, well, it does matter to the daughter who was raised by a jealous narcissistic mother. I’m a forty year old woman that has drive to want to help everyone but herself. You could say I‘ve been lost my entire life, not knowing who I really am. When you’ve been lied to your entire life, how can you know who you truly are?