My time

It’s been two weeks since Matt and the kids left. It’s been a week since they came and took everything out of the house. I do mean everything, all the dishes I had from my marriage, all the furniture I bought for the living room, our room and the kids rooms, etc.

The motivation I have to clean and get the house ready is torture. Just being in this empty house once again drives me to want to give up. This morning I drove around aimlessly just thinking about what the fuck I’m going to do. Still nothing, but I did decide to cut all ties from Matts friends and family. I was only going to speak to Meagan and Lynda, the ones I thought I could trust even if Matt and I split for good. 

Megan was Matts friend, she married his best friend from school. I had tried to call her after I’d been ignoring her. The first thing she says is “he’s not getting back with (the cunt), but they need to talk for the kids”. This was a trigger and I couldn’t hold back. I called to get support, to talk to someone about my feelings. I then had to make the decision to completely cut all strings to Matt. 

Lynda was like the mother I always wanted. She had the best mom hugs of all, those I will miss more! She is family to Matt, she will never be able to support me in the way I need. So, I had to cut ties with her as well, after another disappointing call to her. This was not easy, but I have to do what is right for me. I know if I continue the relationships, I will never get over Matt and the kids. 

Tomorrow Matt and the kids are to get the rest of their stuff I had put in the garage. I plan on keeping the garage door open all day. By 3pm, I plan to drag anything they left and set it at the curb. I wish I didn’t have to take anything with me at all, but I’m so broke I’m sending nudes for money on SnapChat to keep my account above negative.