My time

What’s funny is now some people from years ago are coming back and telling me, yes ME, what is best for me. How the fuck do they know what’s best for me? They couldn’t be there for me before, why would I believe they could be here for me now? 

My mother, for instance, calls and texts me asking why we aren’t talking. I don’t care what her memory is like, she knows! She and I talked prior to Trey moving in with her, I specifically told her if she allowed Trey move in with her that our relationship was over. Now she wants to know why we haven’t talked in over a year? Fuck You!

She also has the audacity to tell me “going dark is not the answer”. You know who else said that to me? Tyler, when he called to tell me to be a mom to our eighteen year old son with no degree, no job, no motivation while living with my mother. 

I can’t predict the future, but I do know that people don’t change. If they actually wanted to change, they would have but it’s easier to go back to how things were, its comfortable, but not safe. 

When did it become “okay” to not be okay? When did the world change and where the fuck was I when this happened? How is it that people live with themselves after the things they’ve done to people? How do people sleep knowing they hurt another soul on this fucked up world? What’s really crazy is that strange men on SnapChat have helped me more in a week than most men in my entire life. I’ve had offers to go live with them, to travel with him, to just be available for conversation. 

Even after the money and pic exchange, there’s conversation, updates on our lives. All kinds from sixty years old to twenty four years old. Some have good jobs, some retired, some just want a friend to discuss things with. Kyle and I got into a discussion last night, of course his mind was else where, but he was still supportive of me. He has no idea who the fuck I am, but is willing to take to time to talk to me when I couldn’t sleep. 

Of course, he is hoping for more and I’ve already told him it’s never going to happen. That’s true but for every man! I am so mad and hateful towards love and relationships that I want nothing sexual at all from anyone! Ok, maybe not anyone, more just men, women definitely have more of a chance than ever before!

Hit me up ladies!! 🙂