My time

I‘m just trying to “go with the flow”, letting things happen as they come. 

Patience is a virtue and I’m nervous as hell. No job, soon to be no home, no actual income, no future plans, nothing. I literally sit here and wonder what my life will be after this. How will it change me? Will it change me for better or worse? Will I feel this hate towards dating forever? The good thing is, I get along with men more than women. Women love to bitch over and over. Men like to talk about anything else than being bitched at. 

I can take jokes from men, dirty and sexual, doesn’t matter to me. You could put me in a bar full of men, different kinds, and I would have more fun there than in any kind of group with women. Men are more spontaneous, adventurous, outgoing, and honest. Not when you’re in a relationship with them, but as friends. I’ve had tons of guy friends growing up. Dusty was probably the first best friend but he kinda went off the rails and I’m not sure what happened to him. Then there were my brothers friends, Gabe. I got my dog, Mya, from him, had to give him a handjob for her but she was worth it. 

Some people would think that’s degrading and inappropriate but who cares? He got a hand job and I got my dog! I realized a long time ago that men can be manipulated easily by women. My mother trained me well, but I never saw an interest in it. Maybe it was from watching my dad all my life? Not sure, but even now I would consider myself a tease, but very brutally honest with men as well. There’s not an “unspoken game” with me, you get what you get. I don’t hold back, like I ever have. 

I have noticed my family, that no longer speaks to me, is constantly viewing my Facebook and SnapChats, etc. It’s funny how they “don’t care” but love to watch. I suspect Matt and his family will do the same. 

Now that I think of it, Matt and his family are……LIKE MY FAMILY. 

Fuck me, they love the drama, all of them! They thrive on drama, they live for drama and gossip. Well, it’s a good thing for them, I don’t care if they watch. They can watch me, watch me live my life how I should have years ago. They can watch me transform into, well, whatever I’m supposed to. I’m trying to be more open and allowing things to just happen for me. We will see and I guess so will they!