Suicidal thoughts run through my head multiple times a day. I am at my lowest, fuck I hope this is my lowest, but I hear rock bottom has a basement. I have under $200 in my checking account, $23 in my savings, my mortgage hasn’t been paid, and I still have to hustle before I start my job.
Even then, that job is not promised, no job is. So, I could get this job, after 30 days they could let me go, and then what? That’s where it gets dark, lonely, giving up is the only answer. Reaching out to people is not the answer, because it’s been proven over and over that I can’t trust anyone. I am on my own, I guess I always have been really, just didn’t realize it.
Raising my son was a struggle with my family and his dads. Proof is where he’s at today, enabled by my mother and Tyler’s mother. I always had people against me, instead of encouraging me, or any kind of support was just too much for them. I’ve been fighting with people all my life, I‘m exhausted, I’m tried of fighting for people that won’t fight for themselves. I’m done being the one that just brushes it off my shoulders.
Last night I realized that Matt still owes on his phone and watch and since he didn’t accept the responsibility with AT&T, it’s left with me to pay. Well, I still had access to Matts credit card and decided to look into what he’s been spending. He took I assume the cunt on a shopping spear to JC Penny, $300 charge, then another $400 charge. That one I have to look up, you know what it was? It was a $400 cage for guinea pigs.
That set me off in a rage, I sent both his moms a message on Facebook letting them know Matt owes me money. Just like before, I get no response. So, I decided I‘m going to be as petty as them. I made a virtual card of his credit card and changed the automatic payments to be paid by Matts virtual credit card. Now, he will eventually catch on and probably cancel the card. Until then I plan on making him pay for the phone bill until his phone and watch are paid in full. (Side note, nothing was charged and never got my money for the phones)
My time 
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