My time

Maybe this “new me” has had enough of sitting back and letting karma happen. I’m going to start making things happen for me. Honestly, it’s that or give up completely. I know I should be seeing my therapist, Chris, but I also know he needs money as much as I do. So, until I get my benefits, this is how I will handle my emotions. 

I don’t need anyone telling me what is fair, this is the second time I’m left with an empty house, without a bed, all because I told them to take what they want. Maybe that is the point, they did take what they wanted all along, it wasn’t me. I guess that’s what’s more upsetting, I’m never the one they choose. My son didn’t choose me, he chose everyone else but me. Everyone that’s came into my life has chosen everything but me. 

I guess that’s on me, I can’t even choose myself, how can I expect others? 

This is where it gets dark as well. Asking the “why not me?” Why is it so hard to choose me? Am I that bad of a person? Do I actually deserve to be alone? What did I do to deserve this treatment from so many people? Maybe that is the problem!! You surround yourself with people that don’t take care of themselves, they don’t take responsibility of their actions. I guess I hold people accountable and not many people agree with that. 

What kind of person can come into your life, twist the fuck out of it, leave and not have a care in the world? 

What makes me so easily be the bad guy in everyone’s story?