My time

Betsy had tried to warn her mom not to get involved but kept my promise not to tell. We all sat around talked about it all for hours, even days. That was the top subject in our family being ripped apart. Everyone was picking sides and my mother was working on hers. She went to my brothers and told them, well, her side, of what happened. Nick and I were always close and she had already gotten him to turn on me. My brother didn’t talk to me for over a month, listening to my mothers bullshit lies and excuses. Ben was like my dad, hated confirmation and avoided it at all costs. Hence why he’s in the same situation my dad was in, we will get to that as well. 

As the family get togethers are weird and the subject of my mother, I did my best to avoid her. When Dave and I  eloped at the courthouse, my mother wasn’t happy I didn’t have a real wedding, even though I never really wanted one after my brothers wedding with Amber. As our family was fighting, arguing, avoiding each other, my brother met Amber! That was the highlight of my time left in Illinois. I loved Amber and loved that she married Nick and had a daughter together!

Once I moved to Texas Amber and I talked every day! She was the biggest supporter I had, beside my dad, about moving. I felt like she was going to be the one to mold the family back some how with me out of the way. Amber was big on family and supporting each other no matter what. I got angry as time went on with family, no more patience for drama. I hadn’t realized how drama filled my family was until I moved away. Gossip and drama was all anyone ever wanted to talk about, I couldn’t stand the negativity. 

The house that I grew up in, the only house I’d known forever was exposed with only 4 poles holding it together. I felt that way myself, tread lightly I don’t have much holding me up. Dad was focused, never seen him so focused before. He didn’t want to talk, just work. He ripped through the entire house and completely remodeled it. He needed something to keep him busy, take his anger out on, and then redesigned it the way he wanted it. He did just that, it turned out a lot better and he was able to sell it years later. 

With all this going on, I still keep my mothers secret, but remember I only got “four poles, maybe only two” now keeping me together. Well, that is when my Aunt Courtney, my mothers younger sister, decided to help our relationship, but ending up opening “Pandora’s box”. Courtney hated seeing us argue or completely ignore each other, or rather me ignoring my mother. She called a Relay For Life meeting, our fundraising group for Courtney’s cancer. I was naïve and went not realizing all who weren’t invited, it was me and my mother. 

They ended up blocking me and my mother in the kitchen with Courtney until we solve our issues. I can’t recall what set me off, something my mother said did it. I erupted on my mother and her infidelities, and everything came out. It’s like I  blacked out or something because all I can recall is yelling at my mother, her smirking and telling me “your dad knew the whole time”. That’s when someone stepped in between us thinking hands were going to start flying. I was the one to leave, I actually ended up at Rod’s house screaming at him for ruining my family and telling his daughter of his infidelities over the years. 

I drove around for a while until Betsy, Courtneys daughter, asked me to come back to her house. I walked in with a fire under my ass, I was pissed and no one could calm me down. That was until I looked at my aunt, she was lost, confused, in denial, didn’t know what to think. She looked up at me and said “tell me everything”.

I wasn’t there when my mother talked herself out of this mess she created, she probably planned it that way. She had moved out of the house with just her clothes and went to get her new boyfriend, that’s also still married, and moved him to our small town. I don’t have all the details of the guy because I just don’t care, but I did find out he’s exactly like my mothers father. Let’s get into that shall we!

So, my mother has now convinced an old classmate of hers to leave his wife and run away with her. She so convincing, he did just that, even while his wife was struggling with cancer. You heard that right, while my parents are fighting over shit with the divorce, this other man’s wife was fighting cancer and now doing it all alone. Her kids weren’t JT’s, but he dropped them all like they were yesterdays trash. Well, that’s a little harsh since he was still keeping her on his insurance policy and sending her money “to support her during cancer”.  JT never had to file a divorce, instead he waited it out and she ended up passing away. 

While my mother gets an apartment with JT, my dad is now in the house I grew up in all alone. I got a call from someone telling me I should check on my dad. They saw what appeared to be a wall of some kind on the  side of the street to be picked up. I didn’t think that warranted a visit, so I called dad and he sounded fine and keeping busy. Few days went by and I got another call, this time “I’m not telling you what’s going on, you have to see it yourself.” So, I take a trip to visit dad and walk into the house to see two poles holding the ceiling and all walls are gone, the top floor of the Bi-level is completely exposed, no dry wall, nothing. I holler for my dad who’s in the basement, that also has two poles holding the ceiling and no walls. 

When I returned from Rome, my cousin Betsy and roommate Kailey, at the time, came and got me from the airport. Betsy, my cousin on mom’s side, had suspensions about my mother and asked me how I was with her moving out. I ended up spilling my guts to them on the three hours drive home. Kaylie and Betsy just sat there, jaws dropped, eyes wide open, confusion and disgusted looks, trying to process it all. Betsy wasn’t as shocked but the look of sympathy for me was there.

It was a relief to have to said out loud to people not involved and get their take on it. At this point, I have kept the secret of my mothers for 7 years already, not a word outside of the people involved. This was helpful for me to have others to talk about it with, I’d been ignoring it for years, just didn’t want to deal with it or even know how to handle it. 

Turns out, while I was in Rome, shit hit the fan at home! Nick found disturbing information on my mom’s computer she mistakenly left up in the living to view. He caught her using my facebook page to  message men, she was virtually and emotionally cheating on my dad. Nick confronted her about it and she had to become the victim out of it! She was excellent at manipulating my brothers, even turning them against me at one point! 

You are probably thinking everything comes out now, my brother knows she’s been talking to some married guys online so she will have to confess to everything. Think again fuckers, she’s the ultimate manipulator!

My mother had a gambling problem, she had such a problem that she borrowed money from everyone she could, my brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, even the gambling boat gave her a loan. My mother had dug herself a gambling debt for over a year without anyone questioning her. Tell me she’s not manipulative as hell now! 

I‘m not sure if her admitting to me that was going to change my mind on moving or just a reach out for “help” mentally. Either way, I made the calls to all family, told everyone and left it up to all of them to help her. My focus was my family, she no longer was included in that after what she did to our family. 

Before we get into the Texas life, let’s update you on my narcissistic mother choices she made up until this point. 

In 2010, I got the opportunity of a lifetime to go to Rome with a Navy friend I met through a classmate of mine. The day before I left my mother came to my apartment with a DNA test kit. Now, my mind was already scattered due to leaving my son while I travel to another county and not freak out. She knew the timing was perfect, knew I wasn’t thinking clearly and knew she could get me to do her dirty work. She got what she needed and when she was leaving asked me not to mention it to dad, as Rod is the one we are testing for. Why you ask? Well, because my mother was “in love” with Rod. If you ask me, she never loved my dad, or anyone, she loved herself. She wanted Rod to be a biological father, she wanted a reason to be in his life forever. 

It’s funny looking back at it all now, my mother was in love with Rod while married to my father. She cheated on my father with, well many others, but she also cheated on JT, her now husband, with my dad, probably others as well. Don’t ask me how I know that, I refuse to repeat it! My life is fucked as it is, I have mentally blocked it out. Fuck you Aaron O! LOL

While I took my trip to Rome, my mother got the test results. Now, a nice mother would wait for me to return to give me such news to do it in person. Not my mother, she decided to call me with dad on speakerphone to let me know that her and dad were getting a divorce. That when I returned from Rome, my mother wouldn’t be living with my dad anymore. My response “good, did you get the test results back?”. Yeah, I did that on purpose, she tried to ruin my “once in a lifetime vacation” with her bullshit. She was pissed and said she hadn’t gotten them yet. Instead, she had to have another talk with dad as he wasn’t happy with that information. Remember my dad never wanted me to know, he didn’t want to know so we could still have the relationship we had. I hung up and didn’t answer another call from my mother on my trip. She did leave a voicemail that said, “I got the results, they were negative.” Nothing about, congrats, your dad is your real dad. Another manipulative tactic for my mother.

For the next year, Tyler and Jordyn got married and she really tried to be there for Trey, even when Tyler wasn’t. There were some issues we had to deal with but Jordyn and I tried to get along for Trey’s sake. Once Tyler went back to his “old ways”, Jordyn found herself in the same place I did with his addiction. She was lucky not to get pregnant by him, she just had to divorce him. 

Luckily, at the same time Tyler was getting a divorce I had met Dave. Dave was my “eye candy” living behind my apartment building. I finally got enough courage to holler over at him and ask him out. Little did I know that one move would flip my world completely. 

Dave and I met December 28th, 2013 and we married March 28th, 2014. Now you are probably thinking, “this bitch hurried up and married a random guy just to get away from her family/life”. Well, yes and no, I honestly fell head over heals in love with Dave. He made me laugh, he made Trey laugh, it was like we were meant to be from the start. He welcomed Treyson from the start and everything was smooth sailing. We got married to be able to move to Texas with Dave for his new job opportunity with State Farm. Treyson was only six, going to turn seven down in Texas. The families, mine and Tylers, were not excited as us but wished us well on our journey. 

By time June of 2014 came, we were packed up and moving to Texas, when my mother asked me for two thousand dollars. Knowing I‘m not currently working, moving to another state, and she asked to borrow two thousand dollars?! Who does that? Well, my mother would! She made excuses about being short on bills, even though her and her new boyfriend (that story coming soon) were working full time. So, I questioned her until I heard the truth. Maybe I called her out on her bullshit, but I got the truth out of her. I‘m sure it wasn’t the whole truth, she can’t tell what the truth is anymore. 

Treyson and I stayed in our small apartment for about 3 years when I noticed a man in his backyard playing with his Dobermans. It was just a joke naming him my “eye candy” while I was single. With Treyson’s daddy issues I couldn’t get myself to get close to anyone, afraid they would leave us just like Tyler did. Instead, I created a “friends of benefits, of sorts”. Technically there was more than one but one was what I hoped would eventually turn into something more. 

Isn’t it funny how shows, books or whatever have such an impression or relatable experience. During that time, I was a Sexy and The City fan and Mr. Big was very familiar to me. My Mr. Big was what I thought I wanted from my son; he wasn’t a father but had the potential to be a great father. That was all I could see in him, someone to be my son’s replacement father. That was toxic in itself and Treyson and I went to therapy for our “daddy issues”, more for Trey than me. 

My “daddy issues” were not part of my life anymore, my dad and I decided a DNA test wasn’t worth it. He told me he always saw me as his daughter and didn’t want a piece of paper to tell him differently. That was the ultimate dad response ever! That’s when I decided to drop the “daddy issues” for me and focus more on a dad for Trey. 

While Mr.Big and I had our whatever you call it, I was demanding Tyler to be a dad. He was not going to get off so easily. I would call him over and over again until he would answer. One time someone did answer, a woman telling me to move on and he didn’t want me anymore. Taken back at the woman’s voice I was shocked which turned into anger pretty quickly. I told her I didn’t want him and the only reason I want anything to do with him is because we have a son together. To her surprise, she wasn’t even aware of Treyson, even with Tylers front neck tattoo that said “Treyson James” inside a ribbon with roses and a cross above his name. She, and I‘m sure others as well, assumed the tattoo on his neck was a memorial tattoo and didn’t ask to not pry.

For Treyson’s first bday party, Tyler was caught smoking weed at my aunt’s house while we sang happy birthday. Tyler’s family was around but was never really helpful. They enabled Tyler and his addiction, I tried telling them that when I was pregnant, they didn’t listen. 

Have you caught on yet? No, don’t worry, you will!

By Treyson’s fourth birthday, a tradition I started, my aunts house with bounce house, Tyler never made it to any other birthday party’s. Tyler’s family stopped coming too. I wanted one day out of the year where Trey could have his entire family together to celebrate him. That no longer was working and Trey knew it. After heading home from his last party, he asked why his dad wasn’t there. This was not the first time, nor would it be the last. Treyson cried not understanding what was going on. Mind you, Treyson had never seen us together as a couple and we never married. So, growing up without Tyler, Trey was confused on who his father was. Trey had heard me call my dad “dad”, heard my nieces calling my brother “dad”, but he hardly got the chance to even say dad. 

My son wanted a dad, he knew he was missing out of something good. It was clear when he first asked a complete stranger at Walmart to marry me, after finding out he had a dog. That was the qualifications to marrying me, he had to have a dog. I was not only embarrassed but ashamed my son had to go to this extent to get what he desperately desired. 

I decided after his fourth birthday we would do something other than a party his dad wouldn’t show up to. By his fifth birthday, I managed to save as much money as I could to get a hotel on the beach in Daytona Beach, FL. This was going to be a new tradition for us and he didn’t have to worry about inviting anyone. For his sixth birthday we went to Virginia Beach and stopped to visit family as well. 

For Treyson’s seventh birthday my world flipped upside down, once again, living in Texas with a husband of 4 months. You are probably asking yourself “how is that possible?”, its was not something I planned nor did I question it.

How can three people be raised but the same two people and live their lives completely different than each other? I sat my parents down and expressed my concerns on Ben and his gf not helping with bills and not cleaning up after themselves. Why did I have to explain to my parents on the difference of what I was doing (working, paying bills, cleaning, etc.) is beyond me. I literally had to point it out to my parents that they were enabling my brother, he didn’t grow up, get out or help with bills. Well, they decided to talk to Ben and his gf about what we discussed. It’s obvious not that my mother and Ben’s girlfriend were besties, since we couldn’t get along. 

My mother told Ben and his girlfriend everything I brought to their attention and demanded them to do as I was, being more independent and helpful with the house. That didn’t go well for the gf and she turned on me in a split second. We were no longer friends, she was now the enemy and I had to watch my back. I tried warning my brother, but how I can tell my brother to break it off with her because she’s drama and just like our manipulative mother? You don’t, but you do tell his girlfriend how you really feel about the situation and the secret my other brother, Nick, told me about her. She was so much like my mother after I pissed her off, I was hoping my brother could see it and tell her to get lost. Of course he didn’t, my brothers don’t even know their mother cheated on their dad for years. After the big fights with the girlfriend, they moved out to her dads house. 

The house was better, but I still hated being there. Moms’ mystery days came more frequently, and dads patience was thinning. The tension in the house was unbearable, and I was miserable watching my dad waste his life on a woman that could care less about him. Dad and I created more of a bond now with mom not being around. We would talk for hours, sometimes about nothing and others about mom. I tried to be his therapist of some kind, try to get him to see what she truly was, and that he deserved better. 

Nothing I said was going to change that man’s mind and I finally got to the point of moving out once and for all! I got an apartment with a co-worker while working at the hospital. That year was a messy year for me. At the same time, I had decided to get a more 9-5 job to be with Treyson more but stayed at the hospital to work weekends for extra money. No, I wasn’t getting child support or any help from Tyler. His parents took Trey on the weekends when I had to work, but Tyler wasn’t ever really in Treyson’s life.

Once Trey was in my life, I had an opinion on things that I felt were important, like the house being clean for my kid to crawl. As I mentioned before, all of us back at our parents, Nick has 2 daughters that he gets every other weekend. Then Ben and his girlfriend, me and Treyson, and my parents staying in a 3 bedroom, one bathroom, Bi-level house. Ben and the girlfriend loved to cook, but not clean. Come to find out, they didn’t offer to help with bills, like I was. Nick had moved out so things weren’t as hectic but there were still so many issues. 

One day I finally snapped at Ben and his girlfriend. It was bad enough I had to live there due to the money issues and debt I was in due to Trey being born and Tyler’s bad decisions. I had to deal with my brother and his girlfriends messes, my mothers narcissistic and hoarding issues, and my watch my poor dad live a horrible life. 

I was trying so hard to keep my head down, just work hard and soon get out on my own again. I tried to focus on my future with Treyson and no one else mattered. That is until the drama was back, my mom wouldn’t come straight home and dad asking if I knew where she was. I wouldn’t know since we weren’t getting along and only talked to her about Trey when it was necessary. 

Maybe it all piled up on me, or maybe I was sick and tired of watching my family use each other daily and not put effort into really anything. I finally told my brother that him and his girlfriend need to clean up after themselves. I shouldn’t have to work 12 hours, come home to clean for another hour before going to bed. His girlfriend didn’t work and she made it known she didn’t want to work. That’s when things got worse and I had to say something to my parents.