My time

Today Granny, Matt’s grandmother, passed away. He had emailed me about her going on hospice on Saturday. I had thought about going to see her, but he mentioned she wasn’t coherent. I decided my last memories of her were the best memories to have and keep. I like that memories of her were happy, like when we went on vacation to Galveston. 

It’s weird to sit here and think Granny has it made now, she’s not in this hell we call life. I wonder if she is happy or maybe nothing. I more hope for the nothing personally, nothing to see, hear, feel, smell, just nothing. If you’ve ever watched Supernatural, they talk about the “nothing” where angels go when they die. People may see that as crazy to want “nothing” after life, especially if they are religious. 

Update, as of two days ago I was hospitalized for numbness in both arms, chest and partial numbness in my face. Went to the closet emergency room, which happened to be not equipped for “possible strokes”. They transferred me to a bigger hospital in Plano, which specializes in strokes. My feelings during all this, nothing, no emotions whatsoever. So, numbness in physical and emotional, but I didn’t inform them of my lack of emotions. I guess part of me was like, ok maybe I did have a stroke. You know that STRESS can cause strokes, it can if you let it!

I missed two days of work to “get an MRI” and instead received six injections in the back of my head that released the pain of the pressure and the numbness in my body, not my emotions, and sent home.

I wake up on Friday, 12/12, and go into work with a positive attitude! Until, my manager wants to “discuss our Tuesday discussion”. The discussion was “resolved, and don’t want to discuss any further”, is what she said to me and Nabiha. Don’t ask me why Nabiha was involved, I don’t understand any of this.