My time

So, I cried, I puked, I debated if life was worth this much pain. Then I took a huge hit off my “illegal” cart and put on Imagine Dragons. Again, sounds fucking cheesy, but I felt their music spoke to me, almost like they knew what I was going through. Either way, I picked myself off the floor, I dragged myself out of the dark place and let the feeling of emotions wash through me. 

I know I don’t belong in a corporate world, I know the medical field is now just my past. I need to figure out what the fuck I want to do with my life. Get another job to have the same result? I’m sick of accommodating others instead of enjoying what I want. What do I want exactly?

I tried a few years ago to sell sexual content on Onlyfans and ended up being fired from the one job I never wanted to leave. I immediately deleted my Onlyfans account and went back to “by the book”. I have a degree, I need a job that will put that degree to use. 

Who the fuck am I kidding?! Fuck that degree, fuck the people who don’t respect me but expect respect in return. Fuck everything I was ever told about how my life should be. 

I am me, I am blunt, I am honest, I am open minded and accepting of others. I don’t need to demand respect, but I will remove myself from the disrespect out of my own respect. It makes sense, if you don’t think about it. I love sex, I love exploring sexual fantasies, I love that sex is fun, exciting, new with different people. I fucking love sex! 

I guess you could say I am like my mother in that aspect. The difference is that I don’t have to hide it, lie about it, or cheat to get it like my mother did. I can be open and honest about it, put it out there for the world to see. Accepting the good and bad that come with it. There will be people that won’t accept my new career or lifestyle.

I will lose friends, can’t lose anymore of my family, not many left.