My time

I’ve been trying to make it work for 12 years professionally in Texas. 

It’s been 14 months in total I’ve been unemployed, you can’t imagine the number of applications and interviews during that time. Not being chosen to be in a relationship, family and employment is something entirely difficult to keep pushing, keep trying, and to stay positive. 

Not being chosen in all aspects of my life right now is a toll on me every day. What’s the point? When will I finally be chosen and treated fairly? Why am I still struggling? Have I not tried to my very core? To die alone miserable and financially broke? Why??

I’ve made the decision to move “home” with my dad. This is the last thing he needs or he deserves. This man has taken care of me 41 years, there for me every day, the only one that’s been safe, consistent, real, and accepts me. 

It’s not the home I grew up in but its the same town I never wanted to move back to. I no longer have any other options, money running out and its almost year and a half of unemployment. Not that I’m not trying, but I think they see more desperation than determination. No one wants to hire someone desperate, apparently. Those are the ones I would hire, the ones that will try, push to prove their ability, the ones that will do anything. 

If I had a company, I would do so many things differently. My customers and employees will be treated equally, if you can’t do that then you don’t deserve it. Every company I’ve worked for is immoral and nothing of the “company core values” they talk up. 

I am that person to call it out, to help them see the right and wrong for anyone’s morals. At what point do people make money they stop giving a fuck about morals and treat people the way I’ve seen. People lie to help themselves, people just watching the disrespect and turn to ignore.

Now I’m going back without my independence, without a plan, without a will to keep going…