Suicidal thoughts run through my head multiple times a day. I am at my lowest, fuck I hope this is my lowest, but I hear rock bottom has a basement. I have under $200 in my checking account, $23 in my savings, my mortgage hasn’t been paid, and I still have to hustle before I…

People love to watch you after knowing you and then no longer knowing you. They like to watch, make their own assumptions about you, create stories, and talk about you like they still know you. People love to judge, especially family, and my family is no different. Part of me is asking why I’m even…

I‘m just trying to “go with the flow”, letting things happen as they come.  Patience is a virtue and I’m nervous as hell. No job, soon to be no home, no actual income, no future plans, nothing. I literally sit here and wonder what my life will be after this. How will it change me?…

What’s funny is now some people from years ago are coming back and telling me, yes ME, what is best for me. How the fuck do they know what’s best for me? They couldn’t be there for me before, why would I believe they could be here for me now?  My mother, for instance, calls…

Things I do for others but what others are not willing to do for me is mind blowing.  I think back to all the people I helped, just in this house alone. Most of them kids, but a few men that were “at their lowest” and needed someone. Where are they now? I can tell…

It’s been two weeks since Matt and the kids left. It’s been a week since they came and took everything out of the house. I do mean everything, all the dishes I had from my marriage, all the furniture I bought for the living room, our room and the kids rooms, etc. The motivation I…

People used to make comments about my lack of emotions. I can only imagine what my life will be like once I get back on my feet. I know I need to keep to myself, I still have the habit of wanting to help.  I need help, from myself, not from anyone else. I need…

Some couples have arguments about the kids, money, or stupid shit. What did we fight about? His ex-wife, nothing more nothing else, just the dumb cunt not leaving us alone.  Mind you, my son left, my niece left, and today Matt and the kids left. I allowed myself to completely depend on a man, trusted…

Call me selfish, call me whatever you want, how about just don’t call me at all. Cutting people out of my life has been easy, simple, stress reliever actually. I don’t care who you are, my mother, son, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, whatever.  If you don’t bring positivity into my world, you no longer belong…

Everyone saw the bullshit for years, instead of his family and friends telling him to get out, focus on the kids not her, they told him what he wanted to hear. Matt can only commit to his family and nothing more. He’s as petty as his mother, blinded as much as his stepmother, smart but…