I pull up still in awe of the drive and just the free feeling of being “nowhere”, so peaceful. Now, if one of the kids told me about this story I’d be worried about them getting killed, but at this point in mind life, who cares. The openness of his yard, the peaceful nature surrounding…

All my life I chose people to be in my life, but they never truly chose me. If they did choose me it was for something, never nothing. My son left because he didn’t like my rules. Matt left because he couldn’t love me. It’s not even about love, it’s about caring for someone else…

Tyler text me telling me he never forgave himself, I’m sure that’s true. I told him I forgave him many years ago, but Trey needs him now more than ever. I’m not mentally capable of taking care of anyone, that realization came to me abruptly last night. Zach, classmate of mine, has been helping me…

I started my job this week, so far I can tell I will get along with Nabiha and our manager Ester. Of course, there’s drama, you put too many women together and jealousy bullshits starts. Thankfully, Ester is on top of it, she says, and apologies for it constantly, and makes sure Nabiha and I…

I have more and more of an understanding to people like Robin Williams. If he’s not laughing, he’s crying alone. He suffered internally that no one can truly understand. Even if he tried to explain it, you will never know the extent he had to live with it. This may make people think my suicidal,…

How can people say they “love you” and at the same time treat you like you don’t matter?  How do the “because of you” get turned against me? That’s what none of them see, they don’t see they put me there to make them the victim. When do I get to be the victim? Is…

What has my family done for me after removing myself from their vicinity? Well, they created more drama from me, turned me against other family, and confused me with all the drama. Then…..nothing, from anyone. Once you tell the family you don’t care about the drama bullshit, they have nothing to say, no encouragement to…

Of course, me being in this house still is hard for me to think of anything BUT the failures of my attempts to help and love others. The willpower to move on positively is not here, not in this house. It’s like a dark hole, pulls me down every time I have to be here.…

Maybe this anger is supposed to light a fire under my ass again, this time way more selfish. I think about all the selfish things I want to do, literally can’t do them now with no money. But will I actually do those selfish things once I have the money? It sucks how much time…

Maybe this “new me” has had enough of sitting back and letting karma happen. I’m going to start making things happen for me. Honestly, it’s that or give up completely. I know I should be seeing my therapist, Chris, but I also know he needs money as much as I do. So, until I get…