Today is July 20th, nine days away from my son’s birthday and I ‘m struggling on whether to reach out to him to say “Happy Birthday” or not. I want to be not sure if the backlash will be more detrimental to me. Trey is never on the same page as me, one minute he could hate me, put me down, and the next be loving and caring.
It’s not the struggle of reaching out, its the struggle of not knowing what I could stir up and get the wrath of it in the end. No one could be more disappointed in him and the decisions he makes, than me. He watched me struggle his entire life, and yet he chooses to do nothing with his life or future. Nineteen is an interesting age, not just for my son, maturity is not there, independence is wanted but not definitely understood, and bad influences are high.
His birthdays used to be a family affair, everyone was invited until they stopped coming. Then it became a just me and him celebration and a chance to travel. That changed again when I got married, we had a small family celebration until that marriage ended. Trey and I have been through a lot together, but he doesn’t understand the extent of what I have been through.
I feel like I have been fighting for the child of men since before he was born, fighting everything and everyone against me. His dads side of the family made it much harder on me, pushing me instead of supporting me. Now, as a mother, I have to just take a back seat and let him “figure it out” on his own.
Matt is doing the same with Paxton, he’s struggling and doesn’t see it. We tried to show some light on his financial issues, but not sure if he’s even interested in hearing us. Matt is struggling every day not to step in and tell him what to do, but he knows he needs to let him figure it out. Most kids need to fail and ask for help to actually learn and are willing to listen to us “old boring parents” give advice.
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