This week I’ve had three interviews and there’s one that stands out to me that I want. It’s not the title, its the opportunity it could provide me to make a difference, to show my capabilities, and to show my commitment within a company. It’s the smallest company I’ve ever interviewed for but feel I can make a difference before it becomes bigger and more accomplished.
Because with every job I’ve had, I was always abused with what I’m capable of and not asking for more respect. Every job I worked I would put 100% into it, no more what it took, knowing someone would see my dedication and reward me for it. That never happened, now I feel like I’m just someone who can be used, abused, and thrown away or stepped over to achieve someone’s respect.
Three interviews and even more declines to follow. How can I see the future when my present has been at a stand still for two years now. Everyone says “don’t get down on the things you can’t control”. What exactly is in my control? Obviously my career is not, or maybe I ‘m looking in the wrong direction. I’ve thought about my past career choices, new things I’ve tried to make work and failed. How can I see any kind of potential in my career when I’m constantly turned down, overlooked, rejected and/or failed continuously.
One of the “interviews” ended up being a total scam. I called the company directly and was told they don’t have any job posts on LinkedIn and they don’t know why people keep calling about interviews. The post looked legitimate linked to their profile, even the email I received looked legitimate. Now all I can think is what other job postings are scams I’m applying for? What’s the fucking point anymore?
I have 147 applications on Indeed, 137 on ZipRecruiter, not including Craig’s List and the LinkedIn account I just deleted. Did I also mention all those accounts were new as of March this year?! The problem has to be me, right? There’s something I’m doing wrong, has to be, right? This puts me back into the “I’m not good enough, I’m never going to be successful, why am I here” attitude.
Matt thinks me going back for my Master’s degree in psychology to become a therapist is what I should be doing. How can I justify going back to school when my father is paying my car payment, insurance, phone bill, etc.? How can I justify going back to school already in 30k in school debt I can’t afford to pay back? How can I focus on school when I have so much doubt in me already?
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