My time

I have good days and bad, today is probably week two without my antidepressants, strictly THC at night. I still feel nothing about selling my house, now supposed to close in three days, hopefully. I still get frustrated that I couldn’t get the house to work with, well, anyone. I originally got it for Trey, not to go back into an apartment. Then I was open minded about others, to help them with what I could, those never worked. Then my last and final attempt was Matt and the kids. 

All I think about is Matt and the kids when I think of that house. That part of my life is over, I have to let it go so I can move on. Am I moving on? I have no one here I can depend on, no one that if in an emergency they would be here. How many people can honestly say they have someone they trust to come help you when you need it the most, but at the worst time? Others have lives, not everyone can drop everything and be there. 

I was that person for my brother while his wife, my sister-in-law, fighting cancer. I was that person for Trey, many times, even times I could have lost my job. I was that person for Matt as well, a little bit different but still… where are those fuckers now?? Nick is in Illinois with his fifth kid, telling me of “my sins and I’m going to hell”, while Trey is being enabled by my mother, and Matt?? Welp, you would have a better idea than me. 

Many people don’t believe the full moon affects people. If you ever worked in healthcare you know differently. I watched it happen while working in Critical Care, some crazy shit happens. Today is Cyber Monday, also another day off for me. I had made plans to go to Illinios and thought that would not be in my best interest. But Dad had already made plans with Scruffy and Alisa, Ben and Nick have their families and traditions.