How can people say they “love you” and at the same time treat you like you don’t matter?  How do the “because of you” get turned against me? That’s what none of them see, they don’t see they put me there to make them the victim. When do I get to be the victim? Is…

What has my family done for me after removing myself from their vicinity? Well, they created more drama from me, turned me against other family, and confused me with all the drama. Then…..nothing, from anyone. Once you tell the family you don’t care about the drama bullshit, they have nothing to say, no encouragement to…

Of course, me being in this house still is hard for me to think of anything BUT the failures of my attempts to help and love others. The willpower to move on positively is not here, not in this house. It’s like a dark hole, pulls me down every time I have to be here.…

Maybe this anger is supposed to light a fire under my ass again, this time way more selfish. I think about all the selfish things I want to do, literally can’t do them now with no money. But will I actually do those selfish things once I have the money? It sucks how much time…

Maybe this “new me” has had enough of sitting back and letting karma happen. I’m going to start making things happen for me. Honestly, it’s that or give up completely. I know I should be seeing my therapist, Chris, but I also know he needs money as much as I do. So, until I get…

Suicidal thoughts run through my head multiple times a day. I am at my lowest, fuck I hope this is my lowest, but I hear rock bottom has a basement. I have under $200 in my checking account, $23 in my savings, my mortgage hasn’t been paid, and I still have to hustle before I…

People love to watch you after knowing you and then no longer knowing you. They like to watch, make their own assumptions about you, create stories, and talk about you like they still know you. People love to judge, especially family, and my family is no different. Part of me is asking why I’m even…

I‘m just trying to “go with the flow”, letting things happen as they come.  Patience is a virtue and I’m nervous as hell. No job, soon to be no home, no actual income, no future plans, nothing. I literally sit here and wonder what my life will be after this. How will it change me?…

What’s funny is now some people from years ago are coming back and telling me, yes ME, what is best for me. How the fuck do they know what’s best for me? They couldn’t be there for me before, why would I believe they could be here for me now?  My mother, for instance, calls…

Things I do for others but what others are not willing to do for me is mind blowing.  I think back to all the people I helped, just in this house alone. Most of them kids, but a few men that were “at their lowest” and needed someone. Where are they now? I can tell…